DORCAS MEADOWES DOES NOT HAVE A COCK.

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 01:13:15 GMT

Alright, Moony, c'mere and get your present.

Sorry I'm so late, but the goldfish died and it took me like three days to get it out of there and replace it.

The new one's better, by the way. I transfigured him out of a teacup, and he sings "Love To Love You Baby" when you walk.

Sun, 18 Feb 2007 18:18:45 GMT

Moony, is that Charms essay still due tomorrow?

Sat, 20 Jan 2007 02:40:39 GMT

MOONY. MOONY HI. LOOK AT ME!! MOONNNNNNYYYYYYYYY HELLO HELLO! LOOK LOOK PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 03:04:24 GMT

Oi Moonypanties. C'mere a minute.

Thu, 07 Dec 2006 23:42:23 GMT

Moony? Could we, um ... ?

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 22:16:32 GMT

OKAY WHY IS EVERYONE WALKING AROUND LIKE SOMEBODY DIED.

THE COMMON ROOM HAS TURNED INTO A FUCKING BRIGHT EYES ALBUM. IT'S UNNATURAL.

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 23:39:45 GMT

PRONGS.

PRONGS WHY DID THAT UNICORN TRY TO GIVE YOU AND EVANS THE GLASGOW HANDSHAKE IN CARE OF MAGICAL CREATURES TODAY? ARE YOU ALRIGHT? DID THEY HAVE TO AMPUTATE EVANS' HAND?

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 20:23:54 GMT

Prongs who was that girl you were talking to? The one with the hair like topiary?

Sun, 10 Sep 2006 17:05:14 GMT

OKAY I'VE DECIDED SOMETHING. PAY ATTENTION, ALL OF YOU.

This year I'm finally going to nail Minerva.

AND I CAN HEAR YOU SCOFFING OVER THERE, JAMES SUZANNE POTTER. IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN. DON'T MAKE ME SHOVE THAT HEAD BOY BADGE SOMEWHERE UNPLEASANT. MOONY HAS SPECIAL BOOKS AND I HAVE EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF HUMAN ANATOMY. I KNOW WHERE TO PUT THINGS.

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 20:56:53 GMT

HAHAHAHA LOOK WHAT I DID LOOK WHAT I DID PRONGS. PRONGS LOOK. I AM A GENIU- OUCH. HE BIT ME!!

You know, he's actually rather cute like this. Apart from the biting, obviously.

Fri, 04 Aug 2006 22:52:02 GMT

What the fuck.

Tue, 01 Aug 2006 20:35:34 GMT

Moony?

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 23:58:20 GMT

PRONGS. PRONGS WHAT IS HAPPENING DOWN THERE. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

SHIT.

SOMEBODY TALK TO ME.

PETER? PETER WHERE THE SODDING BUMBLUDGERING HELL ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU.

COME ON JAMES WORK WITH ME HERE.

Snape?

oh sod this.

EVANS.

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 20:32:42 GMT

AHAHAHAHAHA I AM A GENIUS

PRONGS YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT I JUST DID

AHAHAHAHA

Tue, 20 Jun 2006 00:35:46 GMT

Days since Prongs has burned something: ten! That's an improvement!

... Ah, shit, make that zero. PRONGS. PRONGS GIVE ME THE MATCHES. WHAT HAVE WE TALKED ABOUT.

Anyway. My sock drawer has been reduced to cinders. CINDERS! A BLACK CANNOT POSSIBLY WEAR CINDERS!! Even my favourite pair of fuzzy purple socks went down in flames goddammit Prongs. AND BY THE WAY I DO EXPECT YOU TO KNIT ME SOME NEW ONES YOU BASTARD.

I am in dire need of comfort.

I plan on pouting and heaving great sighs of bereavement until someone pays attention to me.

SIGH.

SIGH.

SIGH.

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 23:44:26 GMT

SNIFFLE SNIFFLE

I AM HORRIBLY AND MISERABLY ILL because it appears that SOMEONE left the WINDOW open last night REMUS I'M LOOKING AT YOU and now I've gone and caught a CHILL and I'm SNIFFLING and SNEEZING and MCGONAGALL IS MAKING ME DO AN ADDITIONAL ESSAY BECAUSE SHE CAUGHT ME SNIGGERING AT GILDEROY LOCKHART'S SINGED EYEBROWS IT'S UNJUST I TELL YOU and I need TEA and BISCUITS and TLC WHATEVER THAT IS.

This really is unbearably unfair you know I AM NEVER ILL. ~~except for that time when I was seven but we don't talk about that~~ SIRIUS BLACK DOES NOT BECOME ILL, THANK YOU. BUT MY HEAD IS ALL CONGESTED AND STUFFY AND I'VE GOT SNOT RUNNING EVERYWHERE AND IT'S GREEN AND REALLY NOT VERY ATTRACTIVE AND NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE ME LIKE THIS AND I'LL DIE ABANDONED AND BEREFT AND ALONE. I'M GOING TO BE A FAT OLD SPINSTER SURROUNDED BY DOZENS OF MANGY CATS ALL BECAUSE OF THIS BLOODY CUNTING SODWHELKERING HEAD COLD THING.

My life is so very, very hard.

AND WHERE'S MY SODDING HANDKERCHIEF.

... Prongs? Prongs I'm s- oh dear feeling dizzy mrrf.

Tue, 30 May 2006 19:10:55 GMT

I AM BORED.

PRONGS LET'S DO SOMETHING.

LET'S BREAK INTO DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE AND EAT HIS LEMON DROPS.

EDIT:
JAMES YOU IDIOT. WHEN I SAID LET'S DO SOMETHING I DIDN'T MEAN GO SET FIRE TO THE HUFFLEPUFF COMMON ROOM.

You singed that Lockhart kid's eyebrows off. Have you ever seen a Hufflepuff cry?! I don't think you have, Prongs. Their tears turn into jellybeans.

Though that may have just been all the eye shadow he was wearing. BUT WHATEVER IT WAS, IT WAS COMING OUT IN PASTEL CLUMPS. AND DAVEY GUDGEON WAS EATING IT.

Sun, 21 May 2006 17:10:16 GMT

PRONGS DID YOU TAKE MY BLUE THREAD I NEED THAT

Tue, 16 May 2006 23:43:37 GMT

Would anyone care to tell me why Evans or an extremely life-like rubber doll moulded to her likeness slept in our dormitory last night? Hmmmmm? JAMES AGNETHA POTTER YOU'VE GOT SOME 'SPLAINING TO DO.

Mon, 08 May 2006 03:48:30 GMT

Embroidery is SO DIFFICULT. I've pricked myself approximately eleventy thousand times in the past twenty minutes. I don't understand how old grannies with their bonnets and poor eyesight can do this all day long because needles are SHARP and I am in PAIN and OH GOD I AM BLEEDING-

okay that was unpleasant.

Where was I? Oh right.

Anyhow, I ran into Dorcas Meadowes whilst hiding in the library and somehow I've been roped into sewing lessons. It's actually far less horrible than it sounds. It took me about three hours to thread my needle, but since then I've been making excellent progress! I've already made three shirts and a...whatever this thing is. I think it's a tea cozy with sleeves.

You know, Dorcas is really quite pretty and very nice and she thinks I've got nice hair and unlike certain bad-tempered Charms-obsessed redheads I could mention, she doesn't go around lighting dormitories on fire. Plus she's circumcised.

By the way, Moony, I took the liberty of embroidering daisies onto all your underwear.

James, I'm making you a scarf next. Would you prefer flowers or bumblebees stitched on it?

Sat, 15 Apr 2006 23:10:50 GMT

Shit.

SHIT.

Um. Moony. Moony, I- shit.

I've broken my lent. You win, Remus.

Shit.

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 17:40:49 GMT

PRONGS. PRONGS PLEASE HELP. MY DIARY THING HAS GONE BATTY. EVERYTHING'S IN SODDING CHINESE AND I CAN'T GET IT TO CHANGE BACK. I'VE LEARNT TO RECOGNISE 'SIRIUS,' CHOCOLATE,' AND 'SOD OFF' BUT EVERYTHING ELSE IS COMPLETELY BUGGERED.

I CAN'T EVEN READ WHAT I'M WRITING.

I CAN'T EVEN READ THE WORD 'IS'.

YOU CAN'T GET VERY FAR IN LIFE WITHOUT 'IS', PRONGS, SO GET YOUR SPOTTY FRECKLY WRINKLY OLD MAN RESEMBLING BUM IN HERE AND FIX IT BEFORE I'M FORCED TO DO SOMETHING DRASTIC, OR WORSE, CONSTRUCTIVE. HOW ELSE CAN I BE EXPECTED TO AVOID MY POTIONS ESSAY. THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

GODDAMMIT CHINESE IS STUPID. IT'S LIKE TRYING TO READ A FOREIGN LANGUAGE OR SOMETHING.

AND JAMES POTTER YOU HAD BETTER NOT BE USING THIS OPPORTUNITY TO DISCUSS MY CHILDHOOD OR ANYTHING ELSE OF EQUAL UNPLEASANTNESS. MOONY SAID YOU SHOWED HIM BABY PICTURES OF ALL THINGS YOU BASTARD WE AGREED TO DESTROY THOSE YOU ARE SO HEARTLESS I'M GOING TO TELL EVANS ABOUT THE TIME REGULUS PRETENDED TO BE A BANSHEE AND CHASED YOU UP A TREE AND YOU CRIED LIKE A LITTLE GIRL AHAHA

Mon, 13 Mar 2006 19:59:36 GMT

On second thought, perhaps this Skeeter bint is getting out of hand. Today she chased me up three flights of stairs, shrieking something about wanting an interview about my severe vasocongestion and threatening to report me to the authorities.

Clearly the girl is completely out of her tree.

Prongs, could we, erm...Prongs?

Sun, 12 Mar 2006 18:40:06 GMT

Prongs!!

Otto McDerbysham told me that he heard from Dorcas Meadowes who heard from Davey Gudgeon's older brother who heard from that seventh year Hufflepuff with the funny eyebrows that you sold Peter's doilies on the black market to support your drug addiction.

You know how I don't approve of such things. Especially since the consequences involve Wormtail ROBBING ME OF MY MANHOOD. Kindly leave my bollocks out of your sordid pastimes.

If this is revenge for asking Marlene if she'd snogged any fit girls lately, you've gone too far.

Moony, I've changed my mind. Let's name the baby after me. I think Padfoot Junior has a nice ring to i- PETER. I DO NOT HAVE YOUR DOILIES. GET AWAY FROM MY CROTCH. UNDER NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES I'D ADD 'UNLESS YOU'RE GOING TO BLOW ME,' BUT IT'S STILL LENT DON'T YOU KNOW.

Fri, 10 Mar 2006 00:43:53 GMT

WELL IF YOU'RE GOING TO WANK IN FRONT OF ME YOU RUDE LITTLE SOD I'M GOING TO EAT CHOCOLATE.

LOTS OF IT.

TEN GALLEONS' WORTH OF HONEYDUKES' FINEST BELGIAN TRUFFLES, TO BE EXACT.

MMM HOW DELICIOUS I DON'T KNOW HOW I'M GOING TO FINISH IT ALL.